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Showing posts from April, 2019

cool girl

I started to clean the house.  It's a weekly routine, dusting, vacuuming, the regular stuff, basically mundane. And I couldn't seem to focus, flitting from task to task like a moth searching for light.

Cool, down-tempo music beat in the background. 
You know, the kind of stuff you'd hear at a totally chill night club. That's where the pretty people go to sip pretty cocktails. And here I was in jeans with a hole in the knee and a baggie sweater.

I sat down for a cup of Chai and picked up my notebook; abandoning the cleaning.
I allowed myself to be transported by the acoustics to that vibing club. In my imagination, I walked in pulsing to the sounds. I wore a mod black slip dress, hair slightly messy with sun-kissed bare arms and legs.

Several years ago I might have pulled this off. Now, as an old woman, I still have the down beat in my soul and the messy hair; my legs and arms are waiting for the sun to come kiss them. Inside, I'm a cool girl. However, she's disg…

i'm circular

Ever feel like you're living in a roundabout? Where I live, we have several. They move traffic well, except when they don't. And of course, we all remember the scene from European Vacation where Chevy Chase keeps going round and round the Arc de Triomphe. There seemed to be no way out of the never-ending circle.

i'm circular
my weary mind a looping maze
all the paths it wanders come back to the same spot
i try to jump out of the hamster wheel
as it spins faster, but the centrifugal force holds me, stuck

Yeah, that's me. I'm circling around. Going through motions, held in place. Why can't I slow it down or make it stop?

i'm circular
revisiting habits and manners of being
how do i shatter those patterns so ingrained
rutted in the psyche
pushing hard on the lines that inhibit and restrain
one hand reaches through a thin place

As hard as I try, we try, the same stuff keeps coming up and back around. I become indistinct in the same grooves.

i'm circular
a top wound up t…